IzzyThePieGuyHunter

Taken from www.fanfiction.net/u/2435330/

--Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it secret, then tell him the truth." Ancient Proverb.

--Procrastinators Unite!...tomorrow.

--Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

--You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder!

--Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that it doesn't matter. You're a mile away from him and you got his shoes!

--Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?

--God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherit the Earth!

--I'm not suffering from insanity...I'm enjoying every minute of it!

--We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.

--They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

--Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door.

--Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

--I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?

--Drive like you stole it!

--Everyday I think people can't get any dumber. Every day I'm proven horribly wrong.

--I didn't escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence!

--Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

--Never knock on death's door. Ring the door bell and run like heck. He hates it.

--Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

--Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight of stairs.

--It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

--It's not PMS...it's you.

--Normal people worry me.

--And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution.

--There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.

--Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

--I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.

--I do not have an attitude problem! I have an attitude, but I just can't find a problem with it.

--I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads.

--I don't need your attitude, I have my own.

--I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.

--You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

--Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!"

--Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.

--I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.

--Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.

--That which does not kill me had better run pretty fast!

--Someday we'll look back on all this and crash the car.

--There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

--My Reality Check bounced.

--On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

--I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

--Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

--Eagles may soar, but wolves don't get sucked up into jet engines.

--The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

--I didn't fall for you, you tripped me.

--I am being driven insane. And I must say the scenery is nice.

--Would you like a cookie? So would I.

--"Pardon me while I find a container for my joy."-Debbie of the Wild Thornberrys

--"Of course, you realize this means war."-Bugs Bunny

--You can't make people love you, but you can stalk them until they give in.-Scoop by Rene Gutteridge

--A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

--Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

--The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

--Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

--Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

--I ran with scissors, and lived!

--If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

--A day without sunshine is like...Night.

--Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

--Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. - unknown

--Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

--The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them.

--I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

--Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

--One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

--It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

--Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

--Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise!

--If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun. - unknown

--"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed."

--Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

--One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

--It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

--There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

--Most learn by observation. Some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually touch the fire to see if it is hot.

--Fuck a hater. Hit a snitch. You're my girl. My 5 star bitch. Love you more than ANY dick. If I don't get this back, you ain't shit! Send to 10 of your girls.

--Best friends are aware of how stupid you are, but still choose to be seen in public with you.

--Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell knows I'll take over.

--STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

--Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

--Handyman's law: cut to fit, beat into place.

--He who talks by the yard and thinks by the inch deserves to be kicked by the foot.

--Work now, make others work later.

--I read somewhere that speaking in front of a crowd is the number one fear for an average person. Number two is death. That means if you have to be at a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

--When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep... not screaming, like the passengers in his car!

--Men think one of three things at any given time: I want a sandwich, I want a woman, or I want a woman who can make me a sandwich.

--Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

--There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It’s just weird when you lose. (Which I have done. It was awkward...)

~Voted Saxton



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